Every once in a while, Greg and I come up with a killer idea that would be super awesome if we'd been the first person to think of it, but almost always, someone already has, so. Greg's are usually a huge money maker, the thing that will make us our millions and allow us to retire comfortably had no one else already had the idea; mine are just silly and fun.
So while I was digging up the rest of the potatoes after the big potato blight of 2020 (wherein my entire 6 rows of yukon and red german potatoes got the verticillium wilt mid way through the season), I was thinking of a way to dig up potatoes without inadvertently spearing them with the tool you're using. See, it's really hard to avoid doing this, because you have to dig down deep, and potatoes that are still in the ground are softer than usual. Of course, as do most difficult things, this reminded me of children. And then I had the awesome idea (that someone else has almost certainly already had, but whatever).
Do you like potatoes AND do you have children who enjoy pirates and/or dinosaurs? Kind of covers the gamut of child critters there. Time to start a potato patch! When it comes time to harvest (after the flowers have...er, flowered, and the plants start to die), it's time for your kids to have an adventure! That is, it's time to put them to work.
I have a lot of ideas on this. It takes a while to dig up a whole bed of potatoes, especially when you're using a tiller rake with a head that keeps falling off as you go, so I had a bunch of time to think about it. Also, I need a new tiller rake.
Do you have budding archaeologists? Give them a spade, a hand fork, and a paintbrush and tell them they are digging for dinosaur bones disguised as potatoes. They must excavate them the way a real archaeologist would dig up a dinosaur bone, being VERY CAREFUL to dig around the artifact and lift it gently out of the soil. Maybe give them a coin, candy, gum, little toy, vodka shot, whatever ya got for each potato unearthed without damage.
Pirate lover on board? Have them dig up the hidden pirate treasure, giving them whatever ya got for each perfect gem they find. Maybe at the beginning of your potato growing, buy some of those cheap doubloons you can get at any box store these days and hide them at the very bottom, under the potato patch. Then tell them the potatoes are booby traps hidden by the pirates so they won't get to the treasure. If they are able to get them up without cutting into them at all, that means they diffused them, and they will be able to keep the treasure at the bottom. They must gingerly remove these bombs and place them in a bucket so you can dispose of them. Deliciously.
Make it educational! Give younger kids who will likely have to spend longer on each potato more of a reward for their effort than older, more careful kids. If the older kids complain, cite child labor laws. Tell them all about how kids their age used to have to work crazy hours in terrible conditions just to make a few cents, and you're just trying to make things more equitable. Debate the idea of different wages for different skill levels vs. greater need. Or give little buccaneers a lesson about how hard life was for the young cabin boys on pirate ships, and they should be happy you are paying them at all. Or tell them to go to hell, I dunno, not my kids.
Also remember this requires absolutely no gardening skills whatsoever. Simply dig a deep trench in the ground, and put a potato every 12 inches. Cover it with just a little dirt. As the plants grow, keep covering them with more dirt until there's like a foot of growth underground and your trench is now a little hill. Then wait. The awesome thing about this is that even if your potato plants get the fearsome wilt, and die mid season? You still get potatoes! Just not as many and not as big. So you have new potatoes for dinner instead of baked potatoes. Dude, you are now a gourmet!
Oh, and don't forget to tell them that the extra bonus of this fun adventure is your little ankle biters are also contributing to feeding the family. They are filling the galley with grub! They are stuffing the bags in the camp kitchen! They are working for their goddamn dinner for once in their pampered lives, get over it and dig, kid.
Anyhow, that is my genius idea. I'm sure someone else has done this and probably better. But you heard it here...um, now. So go plant some potatoes and put those kids to work! You're welcome.
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